|
High School, Life |
|
Dieting |
|
College, Future |
|
Pets, Relationships |
|
Career, Future, Success |
|
Romance |
|
College, Family |
|
Grammar, Society |
|
Life, Logic |
|
Children, Politics |
|
College |
|
Sex |
|
Drugs, Pets |
|
Friends, Sex |
|
Movies, Parenting |
|
Dieting, Vegetarians |
|
Diversity, Politics, Zombies |
|
Happiness, Relationships |
|
Camp |
|
East Coast Bias, Minorities, Science |
|
Career, School |
|
Bell Curve, Relationships |
|
Friends, Jellyfish |
|
Irony, Lyrics |
|
Future, NBA, Politics |
|
Fashion, Safety |
|
Fear, Pets, Radio |
|
Comedy |
|
Childhood, Parents |
|
Homosexuality, Marriage, Platypi |
|
Ego, Tokyo |
|
Politics, Science |
|
College, Science |
|
Justice |
|
Bell Curve, Celebrations |
|
Nursery Rhymes, Spices |
|
Pets, Weddings |
|
Catholicism, NBA |
|
Bar Arguments, Twilight Zone, Zombies |
|
Baseball, Fandom, Television |
|
Catapults, Food, Literalists, Recipes |
|
Baked Goods, The French |
|
Conversations, Traffic, Walking |
|
Age, Music |
|
Flow Chart, Work Ethic |
|
Board Games, Pop Culture |
|
Alaska, Food, Literalists, Recipes |
|
Countries, Superheroes |
|
Exhaustion, Marathons, Politics, Vagrants |
|
Future, Lifetime, Moments |
|
Color Chalk, Objectivity, Politics, Pundits, Television |
|
Pasta, Socks |
|
Architecture |
|
Interests, Science |
|
Careers, Food, Literalists, Recipes |
|
Bell Curve, Roommates |
|
College, Engineering, Romance |
|
Diversity, Future, Society |
|
Math, Stephen Hawking, Subjectivity |
|
Life, Trust |
|
Forrest Gump, Running |
|
Why Fighting Crap On The Internet Is Hard, Self-Promotion |
|
Children, Men, Thought Process |
|
Flow Chart, Genres, Music, Radio |
|
Common Sense, Driving |
|
Marriage, Relationships |
|
Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome, Relationships |
|
Germaphobia, Pets |
|
Punctuation, Road Signs |
|
Questionnaire, Roommates |
|
Lifeitselfmanship, Society |
|
Chores, Pets, Robots |
|
Alternate Realities, Music, Robots, Teeth, Vampires |
|
Baseball, Music |
|
Politics |
|
Time |
|
Airports, National Security |
|
Television, Weather |
|
Productivity, Work Ethic |
|
Seasons, Weather |
|
Art, Critics |
|
Food |
|
Awkward Stares, Primal Scream |
|
Detours, Greek Mythology, Logic |
|
Sports, Television |
|
Alcohol, Ireland |
|
College, Dieting, Pirates |
|
Crosswords, Symmetry |
|
Biking, Signals, Unclean Language |
|
Aliens, Pets, Relationships |
|
Birthdays, Gifts |
|
Movies |
|
Camp, College, Women |
|
College, Mornings, Showers |
|
College, Dorms, Temperature |
|
College, Food |
|
College, Rodent Rebellions |
|
College, Parties |
|
College, Professors |
|
College, Food, Halfway Houses |
|
Beer, College, Refrigerators |
|
College, Sex |
|
Books, Classics, Finishing Touches |
|
College, Music |
|
Beer, College, Germaphobia, Roommates |
|
College, Parties |
|
College, Life, Professors |
|
College, Dieting, Weight Gain |
|
Mornings, Nature, Salad Accessories |
|
Dieting, Exercise, Gyms |
|
Beer, Ireland, Science |
|
Etymology, Lawn Decoration, Vandalism |
|
Children, Presentation Skills |
|
Energy, Medicine, Science |
|
Children, Pets |
|
Biking, Exercise, Incredibly Awkward Sights |
|
Conversations, Politics, Religion |
|
Conversations, Religion |
|
Fight Songs, FPI |
|
Celebrities, Flawed Life Philosophies |
|
Elections, Politics |
|
Public Speaking |
|
Famous Historical Figures, Fighting Crap On The Internet, Politics |
|
Bears, Magic |
|
Heights, Phobias |
|
Coffee, Mornings |
|
Computers, Internet |
|
Those Who Forget Their History Allow The Minor Details To Stay Forgotten |
|
Authors, Career Paths |
|
Religion, Sports |
|
Conferences, Professors, Science, Students |
|
Darkness, Phobias |
|
Common Sense, Drinking, Recipes |
|
Authors, Hockey |
|
Being Oblivious, Home, Parents |
|
Digital Announcements, Interpersonal Communication |
|
Philosophy |
|
Age Appropriate, Alcohol, Hypocrisy, Politics |
|
Famous Historical Figures, Pie |
|
Science, Younger Self |
|
Biking, Famous Historical Figures, Road Rage |
|
Parenting, Sports Metaphors, Workplace |
|
Awkward Stares, Music, Satire, Society |
|
Hands, Monarchies |
|
The Ethereal Heavens, Society |
|
God, Religion, Sports |
|
Overwhelming Negativity, Politics, Sports |
|
Movies, Nature, Weather |
|
College, Drinking, Greek System, Sports Metaphors |
|
"Analysts", Silence Is Golden, Sports, Venn Diagrams |
|
Food, Monsters, Sesame Street |
|
Halloween, Pets |
|
Halloween, Politics, Zombies |
|
Ghosts, Halloween, Superstitions |
|
Fall, Foliage |
|
Relationships, Sports |
|
Mascots, Military, Pets, Soldiers |
|
Politics, Vassals |
|
Awkward Stares, Footwear, Weather |
|
Abuse of Power, Justice |
|
Religion, Sexually Transmitted Diseases |
|
Aging |
|
Television, Vitamins |
|
Editing, Shakespeare |
|
Mathematics, Music, Techno |
|
Books, Careers, Music, Religion |
|
Debate, Radio, Sports |
|
Creativity, Cynicism |
|
Footwear, Laundry |
|
Attention, Biking, Internet |
|
Aromas, Mornings |
|
Hypocrisy, Menstruation, Politics, Religion |
|
Editing, Grapefruit, Shakespeare |
|
Nudity, Phobias |
|
Insults, Letters to the Editor |
|
Breakfast |
|
Cartoons, Future, Ninja Turtles |
|
Axioms, Weather |
|
Apocalypse, Insects |
|
Annoyances, Drivers, Elderly |
|
Food, Holidays, Lifestyles |
|
Chemicals, Food, Holidays |
|
Food, Holidays, Potatoes |
|
Children, Coffee |
|
Dieting, Food, Logic, Meat |
|
Doctors, Drugs, Heroin |
|
Gravitas, Hair |
|
Age, Posture, Rebels Without Causes |
|
Class, FPI, Janitors |
|
Children, Classics, Names |
|
NBA, Shoes |
|
Famous Historical Figures, Nicknames, Politics, Quadrant Graph |
|
College, Drinking, Quadrant Graph |
|
Music, Quadrant Graph, Relationships |
|
Brain Explosions, Ideas, Quadrant Graph |
|
Babies, Happiness, Life, Quadrant Graph |
|
Driving, Snow, Weather |
|
Defense, War |
|
Ideas, Pets, Stupidity |
|
Happiness, Movies |
|
Landscaping, Snow |
|
Exercise, Pets |
|
Food, Recipes |
|
Food, Puzzles, Religion, Sports |
|
Axioms, Trees |
|
Holidays, Music |
|
Holidays, Music |
|
Holidays, Rhymes, Round Numbers |
|
Holidays, Stories |
|
Food, Holidays, Pets |
|
Holidays, Music |
|
Manners, Snow, Winter |
|
Happiness, Pets, Sleeping |
|
Cause and Effect, Movies, Relationships, Science |
|
Drinking, Parties, Thought Process |
|
Dieting, New Year, Revenge |
|
Creativity, Superheroes |
|
Career, Future, Success |
|
Common Sense, Drinking, Recipes, Taste |
|
Axioms, Classics, Parenting |
|
Conspiracies, Pilgrims, Politics, Zombies |
|
College, Parents |
|
Pets, Problem Solving |
|
Good Questions, Nuns, Religion, Shaving |
|
Conspiracies, Paranoia, Science |
|
Hope, Religion |
|
College, Fashion, Women |
|
Life Philosophies |
|
Careers, Punctuation |
|
Coffee, Dating |
|
Al Roker, Provinces, Weather, Wrestling Names |
|
College, Pets, Professors, Science |
|
Knives, Plants |
|
Mathematics, Music, Pop |
|
Eternal Youth, Religion, Vampires |
|
Frickin' Cat Whisperers, Relationships |
|
Art, Creativity, Literature, Sex |
|
Coffee, Leftovers |
|
Annoying People |
|
Careers, Economy, Students |
|
College, Remnants of Forgotten Eras |
|
Communication, Reptiles |
|
Being Creepy, Children |
|
Afterlife, Classics, Religion |
|
Attention Span, Work |
|
Captain Planet, Flash, Superpowers |
|
Life, Puns |
|
Humanity |
|
Donors, Siblings |
|
Dinosaurs, Fighting Boredom, Impressions |
|
Public Spectacles |
|
Imperial Unit System, Snow |
|
Science, Technology |
|
Games, Idiots, Luck |
|
Phones, Public Privacy |
|
Awkward Stares, Fashion, Style |
|
Baseball, Drugs, Responsibility, Venn Diagrams |
|
Urination |
|
Elderly, Nakedness |
|
Holidays, Poetry |
|
Aging, Making Marks |
|
Aliens, Humanish Creatures |
|
Environment, Mathematics, Showers, Soap |
|
Creativity, Drugs, Rip-Offs |
|
Chemistry, Uteri |
|
High School, Mocking |
|
Nostrils |
|
Dead Things, Initiative |
|
Being Creepy, College, Tours |
|
Crazed People, Yellow Tape |
|
Fandom, Sports |
|
Explosives, Medicine |
|
Internet Friends |
|
Construction, Mafia |
|
College, Drinking, Tours |
|
College, Holidays, Music, Parents |
|
Group Participation, Real Life, Video Games |
|
Breakfast, Mornings |
|
College, Music, Opera, Radio |
|
Boxers, Laundry |
|
Neighbors, Urination |
|
Bar Arguments, Rebellions |
|
Bars, Drinks, Pick-up Moves |
|
Exercise, Math |
|
German, Rivalries, Sports, Surgery |
|
Astrology, Religion |
|
Behavior, Discipline, Upbringing |
|
Vehicles, Wealth |
|
Marxism, Religion, Science |
|
Brackets, Religion, Science |
|
Bars, Brackets, Drinking, Fights |
|
Science |
|
Brackets, Drinking |
|
Cleaning |
|
Noise, Singing |
|
Lies, Milk, Stories |
|
Buzzer-beaters, Celebrations, Walking |
|
Computing, Economics |
|
Fandom, Laundry, Sports |
|
Alternate Realities |
|
Children, Marriage |
|
Learning, Teachers |
|
Learning, Politics |
|
Age, Laws |
|
Plants, Vegetarians |
|
Biology, Canines |
|
Chaos, Foosball |
|
Games, Science |
|
Cults, Zombies |
|
Words |
|
Essays, Internet, References |
|
Pets, Planes, Religion, Tropes |
|
Birthdays, Excuses |
|
Music, Reality Television, Snacks |
|
Education, Science |
|
Disease, Slang |
|
Clothing |
|
Being Creepy, Pets |
|
Baked Goods, Police |
|
Advertisements, Television |
|
Nudity, Older Women |
|
Cannibalism, Shipwrecks, Survivors |
|
Age, Equestrian, Swearing |
|
Deer, Overpopulation |
|
Nightlife, Politics, Science |
|
Explosions, Reproductive Control, Rodents |
|
Creepiness, Music, Romance |
|
Classical Music, History, Senses |
|
Cyborgs, Science |
|
Laws, Robots |
|
Pets, Science |
|
Phobias, Towers |
|
Conspiracies, Food, Geometry |
|
Enemies, People |
|
Being Creepy, Groceries |
|
College, Professors, Students |
|
Years |
|
Entertainment, Maladies, Memory |
|
Toys |
|
Condiments, Holidays |
|
Armageddon, Dairy Products, Religion |
|
Nudity, Temperature |
|
Animals, Bites, Vampires |
|
Fingers, Pets |
|
Apocalypse, Disease, Energy, Gambling |
|
Applause |
|
Critics, Flowchart, Music |
|
Comics, Cost, Information, Newspapers |
|
Lavish Praise, Religion, Xenophobia |
|
Dictionary Disappointment, Roads |
|
Airports, Feet, National Security |
|
Careers, Clothing, College, Greek System |
|
Colors, Presentations, Professionalism |
|
Disease, Performance Enhancing Drugs, Sports |
|
Battles, Superheroes |
|
Dieting, Food |
|
Alternative Punchlines, Fish |
|
Power, Sports |
|
Penguins, Politics, Puritans, Religion |
|
Justice, Society |
|
Humor, Society |
|
"Medicine", Side Effects |
|
Quitting |
|
Clothing, High School, Individuality |
|
Hair, Shaving, Tufts |
|
Anniversary Gifts |
|
Hippies, Gun Nuts, Politics |
|
Future, Science Fiction |
|
Fitness |
|
Clefs, Music, Voices |
|
Relationships, Romancs, Syringes |
|
Swearing |
|
The Sea, She Be A Harsh Mistress |
|
Animals, Foul Language |
|
Creativity, Drama, Nuns |
|
Camouflage, Near Nakedness |
|
Mobs, Pitchforks, Torches |
|
Beds, Guests, Visits |
|
Homes |
|
Backpacking, Night Trains |
|
Phobias, Romance |
|
Children's Literature, Inspiration |
|
Religion |
|
Animals, Bombs, Military, Science |
|
Animals, Cognitive Processes, Revenge |
|
First Aid |
|
Happiness, Humor |
|
Storytelling, Wounds |
|
High Voltage, Signs, Superpowers |
|
Unruly Hair |
|
Astronomy, Science, Supervillains |
|
Brains, Survivial, Uprisings, Zombies |
|
Random Symbols |
|
Beliefs, Broken Mirrors, Superstition |
|
Crosswalks, Walking |
|
Footwear, Society |
|
Customers |
|
Children, Reality Television, Reproduction |
|
Family, Personal Growth |
|
Independence Day |
|
Music, Politics |
|
Art, Dance, Teeth |
|
Communication, Music |
|
Driving |
|
Animals, Joy |
|
Creeping People Out, Woodsman Tools |
|
Authority Figures |
|
News |
|
Senses, Sex |
|
Baseball, Brawls |
|
Evolution, Feet, Science |
|
Belgium, Drinking, Women |
|
Boxing, Science |
|
Moving, Trucks |
|
Love, Nonsense |
|
Postcards, Text Messages |
|
Facial Distortions |
|
Creativity, Fans |
|
Communication, Understanding |
|
Comebacks, It's All In The Delivery |
|
Juice, Ladies of the Night, Nemeses |
|
Nonsense, Science |
|
Clothing, Fetishes |
|
Science |
|
Death, Heroism, Urine |
|
Grinders, Profits |
|
Energy, Grapefruit |
|
Individuality, Society |
|
Theater |
|
Objectivity, Pundits |
|
Intimidation, Warnings |
|
Fans, Music |
|
Venn Diagrams |
|
Medicine, Scars, Tans |
|
Weddings |
|
Food, Mathematics, Society |
|
Hiking, Safety |
|
Culture, Sesame Street, Society |
|
Music, War |
|
Art, Decoration |
|
Life, Relationships |
|
Creeping People Out |
|
Fish, Society |
|
Farming, Venn Diagrams |
|
Marijuana, Sex |
|
Cheese, Fanciness, Religion |
|
Catchy Tunes, Television |
|
College, Life |
|
Pets, Thoughts |
|
Cameras, Society |
|
False Advertising, Superstrength |
|
Chalk, Science, Teachers |
|
Architecture, Society |
|
College, Relationships |
|
Entertainment, Weddings |
|
Pets |
|
Society, Theater |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Conversations, Revenge |
|
The Evolution of the High Five |
|
Aliens, Dolphins |
|
Dieting, Evolution, Zombies |
|
Food |
|
Ugly Venn Diagrams |
|
Damsels in Distress |
|
Romance, Spy Movies |
|
Those Who Forget The Past Allow The Minor Details To Stay Forgotten |
|
Blood, Moving |
|
Anticonformity |
|
Pets, Yeah Toast |
|
Boats, Yar |
|
Catholicism |
|
Fashion, Public Near-Nudity |
|
Ballrooms |
|
Heat, Powerhouse of the Cell |
|
Criticism |
|
Relative Greatness, Talking Heads |
|
Horror, Octopi, Science Fiction |
|
Correlations, Dogs |
|
Poetry |
|
Midnight Run |
|
Delays, Jerks |
|
Details Schmetails, Story Adjustments |
|
Punches Solve All Problems But Violence |
|
Weddings |
|
Outsiders |
|
Open to Interpretation |
|
Urine |
|
Alcohol, Hypocrisy, Perception |
|
How Do You Like Them Apples |
|
Aging, Running |
|
Friends |
|
Music, Tone |
|
Partners |
|
Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble, Children |
|
Crosswalks |
|
Grapefrowl, Octoparrot |
|
Crazies, Superheroes |
|
Weather |
|
Carpeting |
|
Humor |
|
Hampsters, Parents |
|
Sensory Overload |
|
Aftershave, Sweat |
|
Love, Pets |
|
Dreams, Life, Literature |
|
Food |
|
Brains, Manners |
|
College, Jobs |
|
Plants |
|
Cooking Chemistry, Nefarious Schemes |
|
Costumes, Halloween, Nonsense |
|
Halloween, Monsters, Pop Culture |
|
Halloween, Shame |
|
Minimalist Vocabularies, Overused Terms |
|
Humor |
|
Feet, Legends |
|
Rats In A Maze |
|
Alexander Hamilton |
|
Brutal Noises, Hi-Ya |
|
Gay Marriage, Generation Gap, Robots |
|
Cannibalism, Pets |
|
Disgusting Habits |
|
Science, Society |
|
Side Effects |
|
Art, Sea Cows |
|
Procedures, Violations |
|
Life Philosophies |
|
Questionnaire, Roommates |
|
Croquet, Fighting Boredom |
|
Conspiracies, Mistruths, Outright Lies |
|
Age, Self |
|
Literature, Vampires |
|
Old People, Toothpaste, Zombies |
|
Boy Scouts, Rules of Attraction |
|
Alien Life, Science |
|
Dancing Fools |
|
Geneticists, Turkey |
|
Turkey, Wenches |
|
Running, Turkey |
|
Gene Pools, Pets, Sex |
|
Cutlery, Stories |
|
Excess Saliva |
|
Blood, Diseases |
|
Writer's Intention |
|
A Healthy Dose of Reality |
|
Word Bribes Are The Best Kind |
|
Food |
|
Christmas, Politics, Religion |
|
Science, Society |
|
Holidays, Spice |
|
Boasts, Society |
|
Expressions, Threats |
|
Ethics, Life Purposes, Sources of Food |
|
Bill Grogan, Johnny Vorbeck |
|
Eyewear |
|
Humor |
|
Strong Grips, Threat-Filled Hellos |
|
Charity, Christmas, Guilt |
|
Overeating, Snow Sports |
|
Dancing, Holiday Specials |
|
Phobias, Stairs |
|
Literature, Religion |
|
Holidays, Kissing |
|
Decorations, Holidays |
|
Drinks, Holidays |
|
Creativity, Holidays, Music |
|
Birthdays, Holidays |
|
Backlogs, Internet, Wasting Time |
|
Children, Pets |
|
Mathematics, Society |
|
Critics, Media Of Any Kind, Top Tens |
|
Clothing, Relationships |
|
Parties, Promises To Yourself |
|
Clothing |
|
Cephalopods, Humanity's Rulers |
|
Animals, Deaths |
|
Strange Looks In Public |
|
No Sense Of Privacy, Proposals |
|
Fate, Language, Sex |
|
Literature, Villainy |
|
You're Really Great But Let's Not Ruin What We Have |
|
Potentially Of Significance to Australia |
|
Anatomy, Foul Language |
|
Conversations, Protractors, Public Gatherings |
|
Some Stuff Does Make Up For The Cold |
|
Purple Is Your Liver Rebelling Against You |
|
Snow |
|
Carbon Dioxide Bars |
|
Drugs, Unhealthy Love For Fruit |
|
Board Games, The Internet |
|
Food, Hybrids |
|
Class, Pets |
|
College, Future |
|
Creativity, Professions |
|
Relationships |
|
Cultures, Souls |
|
Things Told To Kids That Are Taken Too Far |
|
Are You An Adult Now Or Not |
|
Trips |
|
Art, Comics, Creativity, No Nudity |
|
Excellent Adventures, Movies, Parenting |
|
Food, Gender |
|
Children, What Looks Like Incredible Pain |
|
Education |
|
Clothing, Public Displays |
|
Animal Rebellions |
|
Cold, Pets, The Dog Dance |
|
The Ol' Baseball-Is-Life Metaphor |
|
Romance |
|
Exams, Law, Radio |
|
Sports |
|
High Style or Bathroom Humor |
|
Something Insulting About The Queen |
|
Religion |
|
Chaos, Language |
|
Rube Goldberg, Scene of the Crime |
|
Climate Change, Land, Oil, Swine |
|
Commercial Holidays, True Love |
|
Energy, Sports |
|
Spanish Language Humor |
|
Hey Can You Do Me A Solid |
|
Meetings, The Fourth Dimension |
|
Well Hello Ladies |
|
Literature, The Arts |
|
Language, Loopholes, Religion |
|
Gorillas, Movies, Stories |
|
Careers |
|
Drinking, Vagrants |
|
The Continued Laziness of the Media |
|
Historical Plagiarism, Time Travel |
|
Nature, Precipitation |
|
Mystery Meat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Giant Lumpy Darts, Pets |
|
Why Fighting Crap On The Internet Is Hard |
|
Humor |
|
When I Say Oh God Around You It Does Not Mean What You Think It Does |
|
Politics, Sports |
|
School |
|
Games With Bizarre Strategies |
|
Stupid Body Parts |
|
Cursing, Movies, Television |
|
Science |
|
Tough But Tasty Way To Start Off The Morning |
|
Fiddle Music, Heavy Stouts, Ireland |
|
And Chokers Didn't Make The Short List |
|
Bad Movies, Maine's Obvious Rooting Interest |
|
Perceptions, The Internet |
|
Canines, Religion |
|
Fabric, Literals |
|
Neurology, Superpowers |
|
Bats Are Questionable Pets, Rabies |
|
My Essence Is Leaking |
|
Bonfires, Trogdor |
|
Naming Rights, Risks |
|
Porn, Rules |
|
Science, Single Celled Organisms |
|
Meetings Are Straitjackets For The Creative |
|
Actual Parents Are Bad Apparently |
|
Engineering, Freeganism For Students |
|
Creatures, Organization |
|
Mythology, Today |
|
Brains Are Tough To Draw |
|
Unless You're Being Sarcastic Maybe |
|
Innards |
|
Clueless Or No Concept Of Humor |
|
Blood Or Sex Not Blood And Sex |
|
Good Books |
|
Hurr Hurr, Language, Sex, Slang |
|
Dreams, Sleeping, Strange Looks |
|
Humor |
|
One Man's Osmium Tetroxide Is Another's HGH |
|
Canines, Exercise |
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Religion, Science |
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Insects, Sense of Direction |
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Gender, Language Humor Is The Best |
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Exploration, Self-Serving Promotions |
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If Your Watchdog Runs From Loud Noises |
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Earth To Planet You, Meetings |
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Diets, Guts and Juices |
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Strange And New Cliches |
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Earth Guys Are Easy |
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Life, Up To You |
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Chemistry, Children, Swearing |
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Facial Hair |
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Cuteness, Pets |
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Society |
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The Western Will Never Die |
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People, Perception, Storytelling |
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Ursus Horribilis |
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Afterlife, Private Parts |
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Every Silver Lining Has A Jerky Cloud |
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1011100100111011100011010110012 |
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Baby Names, Genetic Engineering, Literature |
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Food, Religion, Video Games |
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Surprise House Guests |
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Knowledge, Seafood |
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Mothers |
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Body Art |
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Medical Gossip, Office Gossip |
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Callooh, Callay, Frumious Bandersnatches |
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Creepy Stares |
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Impossible Brews |
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Seriously, What Gives |
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Internet Rage |
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You Should Have Been There |
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Sometimes ADHD Is Just Poor Discipline |
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Also Farts |
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And A Lot Of Satire Today Is Crap |
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Beverages |
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One Of The Beauties Of Old Age |
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Dessert |
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Bad Therefore Great Puns |
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Television |
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Certain Professors, Society |
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The Internet |
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High School, Life |
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Wear Sunscreen |
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Weirdos Abound |
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Anniversary Gifts |
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Television |
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Nullity Is An Awesome Word |
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Life |
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Politics |
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"Fetish" And "Mom" Shouldn't Go Together |
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The Devil Is In The Cute Furry Details |
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You've Had This Coming For A Long Time You Jerk |
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Mad Science |
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Sports |
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Parenting |
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It's Hip To Be A Share-r, Music |
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Marriage, Stories |
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Foreign Language, Venn Diagrams |
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Stupid Acts of Humanity |
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You Gotta Try This |
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Pets |
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Late Nights and Little Sleep |
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Dr. Jabberwocky |
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High Fives Can Be Totally Professional |
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Setting the Standards |
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Egocentricity, Sex |
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Mass Hysteria |
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The Intercept Is Normalized By Your Parents |
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One Extreme Is More Fun Than The Other |
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Movies |
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Creativity Gets Wasted Anyway |
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Cars, Pedestrians |
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Creepy People, Terminology |
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Creative Writing |
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Patriotism, Politics |
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This Is Gonna Be Huge |
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Nice Personalities, Relationships |
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Fragrant Vagrants, Hip Places To Be |
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More People Would Respect Your College |
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Communication |
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Bad Eating Habits |
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Hair, Turn-Ons |
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It's Not A Bad Plan If You Define 'Can' |
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Language, Sports |
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It's The Liver Or Stomach For Many People |
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I Am A Victim Too, What A Coincidence |
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Anatomy, Mafia |
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Teasing With A Bite To It |
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College, Life, Races |
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Gifts, Marriage |
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Chicken, Wide Creeped-Out Eyes |
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Dinner Is Served, IT'S A COOKBOOK |
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No I Really Am Your Age |
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Alcohol, Bodily Fluids |
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Cartoons, Radiation |
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Ethics, Society |
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I Said Good Morning Ow Ow Ow Stop That |
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Dumb Dumb Dumb |
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This Logic Has Made Me Crazy So Therefore |
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Communication |
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Sayings That Are A Little Out Of Date |
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Color Spectrum |
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No No I Appreciate The Offer But Really |
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Who Knows What Might Happen |
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Chalk Does Not Leave Very Impressive Tags |
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The Correct Answer Is A "Grinder" |
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Soon You'll Need To Kick The Person Too |
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Arousal, Music From The 90's, Sweets |
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A Lot Of What You Believe In Wasn't |
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People Are Jerks But Man Are My Parents |
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Sudden Excess Of Juice Containers |
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All You Have To Do Is Exist |
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Tell Me About Your Mother |
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Life Is Tough In Very Different Ways |
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Atkins Cavity Protection |
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Computers, Slang |
|
Give Me Back Fred The Appendix |
|
Reporting In The Internet Age |
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It's Hip Because It Starts With X |
|
The Back-Up Plan Is Meringue |
|
The "Man" Is "Good Intentions" |
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Ladies Can Go Be Secretaries Or Cheerleaders |
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The Unit That Struck Fear In Criminals |
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Although It's All Black And White To Them |
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Maine Supports Creeping People Out |
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I Think I Pulled My Back Laughing That Hard |
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Singing It Might Just Turn Her On Though |
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Come On, It's Only Two Letters |
|
Everyone Knows You Don't Cross Zeus |
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I Went To A Catholic School And I Know What Happened On The Third Floor, OK? |
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Exchange Rate Of 3.14 Pies To 1.34 Euros |
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I Bet The Animals Have Complexes |
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And How Their Lives Compare, I Suppose |
|
One Letter Off From HMS |
|
Really It's Still A Horror Story |
|
At Least They Can't Dress A Certain Way |
|
I Must Have SARS! |
|
How Did The Cat Litter Get Dirty, Then? |
|
There Once Was A Man From - Ah, Forget It |
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Or Bill and Ted |
|
Easier To Be A Wallflower Than Say Hi |
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Doses Of Steroids To Balance Out Your Meal |
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Could You Get Hooked On Panda, Anyway? |
|
Sex Kitten Parallels Are Too Obvious |
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Or They Wanted You To Go Pet Celebrities |
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Sex Certainly Left Them Sore-Us |
|
Psychiatry Is Entirely Contained In That Box |
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The Sea Be A Cruel Mistress, Just Like God |
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Or That Will Be On My Sign At Rallies |
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At Least You Can't Scream In Pain |
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Nerves Too, But They're Everywhere |
|
Yellow Isn't Half Bad |
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No "Must Destroy Humans" No No NO NO |
|
Drink A Forty, Get To Eighty |
|
There's A Joke-Her Joke In There Somewhere |
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Or Dairy Acolytes |
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Laugh With Me! No, Really! |
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Hey, It's Better Than Douchebag |
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That Dead Slug, He Was Assaulted |
|
What Do You Have To Lose? |
|
More Like Tastebros, Am I Right? |
|
Everyone Makes Fun Of The Four-Eyed Man |
|
That Glow Is Very "War Games" |
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Maybe God's Reflection? Whoa, That's Deep |
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Rain Down On You Like A Holy Terror |
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It's A Research Study For Venkman |
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I've Known Some Bad Girls In My Time |
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Doesn't Mean It Can't Be A Good Day |
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Normal Is Passe |
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True In Another Universe, Though |
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Most Popularity Is Negative, Anyway |
|
I Blame You, Curt Flood |
|
"Lube" Is Better Than "Surfacto" |
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No, Really, Darn You, Bluehost |
|
Not Everyone On The Internet Thinks Everyone Else Is A Douche, But Some Do |
|
Take A Bite Out Of Noir |
|
We Probably Only Have Canals Because Of Them Too! |
|
Doo Doo Doo Doo |
|
Humor-chlorian Count Units |
|
More Than A Couple Steps Back |
|
Would Love To See Someone Set A Pick |
|
Also "Lost A Bet" |
|
Try Adjectives If You're Daring Enough |
|
You Want To Be WHAT? |
|
You Want To Be WHAT? |
|
Works On Several Horizontal Levels, Too, If You Catch My Insinuation |
|
PREPARE FOR YOUR LOBOTOMY! |
|
It's All In The Delivery |
|
Renaming Them "Tentacle Beasts" Only Appeals To The Creepy Pornography Fans |
|
Nothing Says Fear Like The Fetal Position |
|
Please Stop Stockpiling Zombie Repellent |
|
Ryan North's T-Rex Is Not A Lizard Person |
|
The Pudding May Or May Not Be In The Pie |
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One Tentacle Is All You Need (Wink Wink) |
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And If You Don't Do It In The Lab, Maybe |
|
"-icus" Also Works Instead Of "-imus" |
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Perhaps How They Make Certain Olive Oils |
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If You Lose You Have To Dance Well |
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Can Never Underestimate Heart |
|
White Sheets = Best Exercise Apparel Ever |
|
It Actually Is A Banana In My Pocket |
|
See, A Fastball Test Doesn't Curve. Get It? |
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Go Into A Book And Stay There, You Jerk |
|
I Hope The Research Was To Get Support From The Crazy Old Cat Lady Voting Bloc |
|
Go G Major On Conformity |
|
Molds Defeat The Idea Of Being Unique |
|
Neither Way Is Really Uphill Or Downhill |
|
Stop Thief Or I Will Throw This Porcupine |
|
Ask A Magic 8-Ball Before Asking Me |
|
You Mother Codswallopers |
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And You Don't HAVE To Wear Spandex |
|
Take That, Hollywood |
|
"Douche" Is The Much Much Tamer Version |
|
Jesus III: Jesus Hard With A Vengeance |
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And You Can Get Really Crazy "Pilgrim Hats" |
|
Cue The Banjo Music |
|
Ruling With Tasty Kindness |
|
Here's A Certificate Just For Existing |
|
No Bounces Allowed |
|
Autobiographical Fiction |
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AND HOW DO YOU DO |
|
You Can Be My Marionette Anyday Baby |
|
Bite On Fake Tooth In Case Of Angry Father |
|
You're A Little Too Focused On My Neck . . . |
|
We Fetch You, We Catch You |
|
Ho Ho Ho |
|
Fast Visual Editing Would Help |
|
Drooling In Pain |
|
Oh, I Will Make It Fit |
|
That's Where We're Gonna Be |
|
Hyp, Hyp, Hypocrisy! |
|
What A Way To Go |
|
Don't Be An Enabler |
|
Oh, It's Plainly Obvious That You Don't Care |
|
Oh, It's You Again |
|
This Will Accidentally Tick Off Women, I'm Practically Guaranteeing That |
|
Machine of Death says: "CAT PILLOW" |
|
I Ordered the GOOD Swill, Not This Crap |
|
What's Next? |
|
A PLANT EATER? Oh, How Lame. |
|
Now Let's See . . . |
|
Talk About Grading On A Curve |
|
Wouldn't It Get Impaled On A Rib? |
|
99 Bottles Of Christmas Beer On The Wall |
|
Even Inanimate Objects |
|
Hey, There's A Resolution Idea |
|
Beware The Attack Flounder |
|
Ride Like The Wind, Thor Pegasus! |
|
Na Na Na Na Na Na |
|
Bwah-Ha-Ha Should Be Shouted In Most Every-Day Conversations |
|
Not Want To Feel = Leaning Over A Toilet |
|
And No Plagiarizing On Those Exams |
|
And Then The Vacuum Stopped Working |
|
There Is Also Now A Musical Component |
|
Don't Even Go Into Split Ends |
|
My Fine Feathered Mama |
|
Let's Ride Bikes! |
|
See This Tree? Totally The Wrong Bark. |
|
Or Body Swapping Devices |
|
Or You're Frozen In Carbonite |
|
You Catch More Flies, Oxygen & Daydreams |
|
If It's In The Bible, It Can't Be A Curse Word |
|
There Might Be A Secondary Overlap Region |
|
The Secret Password Is Always "Octopus" |
|
Attack, My Platypi! Attack! |
|
Now, A Reading From The Necronomicon |
|
Insults For The Dog: Out, Damn Spot! |
|
Tissues For Intergalactic Sneezes! |
|
Yo Yo Yo |
|
Why Don't We Say That If You Have Chlamydia, You "Have Clams"? |
|
Life Comes With Climbing Gear |
|
True Fact: I Was Almost 10 Lbs At Birth |
|
Happiness Is A Given, Expected Factor |
|
Or An Anthropomorphic Box! |
|
What A Jerky Argument To Make, Anyway |
|
LAAAAAAAA LA LA LA |
|
WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN? |
|
Beef, Onion, Almond and Heart Casserole |
|
Truth vs. Delusion, On The Other Hand . . . |
|
Or Jimmy Buffet's "Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw", For That Matter |
|
Or Get Others To Remind People Of You |
|
Hey, What About "New Jersey"? |
|
The Wee Hours Were Named After Drunks Who Realized They Needed Bathroom Breaks |
|
We'll Be Here All Night Til You Get It Right! |
|
That First Sentence Screams Innuendo |
|
theSwede Dances By Standing In One Place With Only A Slight Amount Of Rotation |
|
Let Me Google That For You |
|
You Can Watch The Snow From Inside |
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The Reactions Of The Nurses And Doctors Would Be Priceless, Though |
|
"Play Ball" - Best Two Word Phrase? |
|
A Reason Or A Reminder In Leather? |
|
Let's Just Cut To The Chase And Discuss Recessive Genes |
|
Hah! Like That's An Option For YOU. |
|
A Buzzcut = Follicle Meteroid |
|
Air Trumpet Just Looks Weird |
|
May God Have Mercy On Us All For You Having Asked That Question |
|
But Such Personal Endearment To It! |
|
Now Let's Try It With Hydrochloric! |
|
(And Can't Handle Their Beer) |
|
A Moodier But Better Place? |
|
Jeans For Me, And Loss Of Dignity For You! |
|
And If You Use "It" For Him/Her/Them Well, Then, No, You Won't Lose It! |
|
"Sure, But You Know You Want It" |
|
The "I'm Bad At Shaving, This Is A Beard Made Of Blood And Scabs And Cuts" |
|
"And The Hat?" "Oh, That's My Turtle." |
|
Not A Great Superpower, Admittedly |
|
How Will You Ever Know The Truth? |
|
That's Right. Someday: Zombie Monkeys |
|
High Correlation To People Who Work On Their "Moo-Hah-Hah" As Well |
|
I Will Admit, You Are Impressive, But Would You Mind Wearing Lead-Lined Boxers? |
|
Once Everyone Is Perverted . . . No One Is |
|
"The Future Depends On Us, Sis!" |
|
Even You, Ignatius, Although Granted, It's Extremely Unlikely In Your Case |
|
"You Always Suggest Hooking Our Enemies In The Gills! Don't You Have Any Other Suggestions?" |
|
And You, Sir, Are Not The One |
|
Wait, This Is A Porn Film . . . |
|
He's/She's/They're Gone! Time To Get To Holding Bottles With My Toes Again! |
|
Apparently We're Surrounded By Slides |
|
"C'mon, Brain, More Far-Fetched This Time!" |
|
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! |
|
The 72 Ounce Size, Please |
|
The Ivory Tower Tournament? |
|
There're Better Ways To Get Noted For Your Wisdom And The Clever Things You Do, Kid |
|
OH GOD THE WRONG DIRECTION |
|
Note: "Some" Scientist, Not "A Little" |
|
Oh, Don't Mind Me Over Here |
|
Instead Of A Toy, Here Is My Back |
|
A Granny Knot? You Take Pride In Your Amateur Man Status, Apparently |
|
Writer's Block: The Bouncer To The Club Of Decent Ideas |
|
Sleeptrapping: Why Ackbar Is On Watch |
|
Don't Make Me Come In There, Body |
|
No, No, That's How Caviar Always Tastes |
|
Teach This Countertheory In Schools! |
|
Giant Armadillos, Much Less Cute |
|
No, Really, Please Keep Your Shirt On |
|
No, Really. Please Look At The Facts. |
|
I Don't Care If I Ever Get Back |
|
Personally I Hope It's A Romantic Comedy |
|
I DARE SAY, HOW DARE YOU, SIR |
|
And Your Imaginary Dance Partner ALWAYS Looks Ravishing |
|
BOW DOWN BEFORE THE PIE CHART |
|
Best Excuse For Barnacle STDs Ever |
|
Eight: Just The Infinite In A Poor Disguise |
|
When You Grew Up With Sports Teams Nicknamed "Whalers" Around You, It Feels Much More Ancient Than It Really Is |
|
Hey, Where's The Back-up Plutonium? |
|
I Don't Support It; But Promoting "Pirating" Was An Incredibly Dumb Choice |
|
In Your Itty Bitty Hooves |
|
Screaming Is Universal "Help" But Not Really |
|
Hugs, Even From Pugs, Not Drugs |
|
IF Idiot THEN Jerk |
|
You Can Still Shoot Them In The Head If You Need To |
|
Let's Go Experimenting! |
|
Heck, Even You 100-Year-Olds To Be |
|
Number 10 In A Continuing How-To Series |
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You Can Speed Up The Process Through My Children, I Give You Permission |
|
GAH STOP IT NOW PLEASE |
|
Nom Nom Nom |
|
Bananananananatman |
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First Time: "Whoa, Look At That . . . I Hope That Doesn't Mean Repercussions Tomorrow" |
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The 7th Dimensions Is, Well, Hey, Look At The Time, I've Got To Go |
|
The "Well, Hello!" One Wouldn't Be Bad |
|
Based On More Than One True Story |
|
Not That Far From Performance Art |
|
Quantum Physicists, You Are The Exception |
|
Hey, Let's Go Ride Bikes! |
|
Sucks To Be Tall Unless She's Taller |
|
Yeah, I Said A Yeti, Don't Judge Me |
|
Proud To Be A Non-Card Carrying Member Of The Atheist And Otter Communities |
|
And Cotton Candy And Perfect Relationships! |
|
"Um . . . Who's Answering?" |
|
Piles Of Filled-In Discarded Laboratory Notebooks; Also Known As Diaries |
|
Your Thirst For Knowledge Hates Snakes |
|
Trial And Error Is Still Science |
|
A Chance To Be Old But Stupid Again |
|
Not Exactly Jean Grey |
|
No Laser Beams For Eyes, Either! |
|
Yes, My Question Is, Stop Creeping Me Out |
|
Wait . . . Wait . . . Wait . . . OH GOD |
|
A Tentacle-Based Race Of Fishmen? Lobster-Claw-Based Race? Or All Mortal Enemies? |
|
The "Bi" Or "Gay" Thinking Pose Is Too Complicated, That's All |
|
If You've Ever Dated, You Ate It Once |
|
Hey, This Isn't What The Mayans Predicted |
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Is "Lack Of Shame" Degree A Compatability Factor On Dating Sites? It Should Be |
|
Is That A Banana In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Nonchalantly Agreeing With Me? |
|
Jerky, Necessary-To-Planet's-Existence Bees |
|
That Pilkington Joke Was A Total Accident |
|
. . . Reason #1,436 . . . |
|
Well, This Is Awkward |
|
And We Even Call A Group Of Them A "Confusion", Could We Be More Cruel |
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Why Do We Say Zombies Focus On Eating Brains? They've Always Been Organovores |
|
So Many Assholes Concerned About Assholes |
|
I Promise I Won't Claw At You, Baby |
|
The Older You Get, The More Willing You Are To Buy It Off The Streets, Right? |
|
Your Lacrosse Is Already Better, Ladies, We Need Some Way To Even Up With You |
|
Coming Soon: Sanity Barometers aka Cats! |
|
And The Homework Assignments! |
|
My Whips Are, Um, In Storage |
|
Ooh, The Specks In It Are Shiny! |
|
Why Why Why Why Why WHY |
|
Come On, Higgs Boson, Where Are You? I Want To Shave Already |
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Science Hipsters: Sure, Liquid Nitrogen Used To Be In Style, But Liquid Hydrogen Is Really Where It's Cool, Er, In Vogue |
|
We Break Coffee's Trust When We Drink It, But It Gets Its Revenge Later On Internally |
|
Now Imagine A Teacher Seeing Those Faces! |
|
That Cat Has Suprisingly Amazing Trash Talk |
|
Individuals: Systemic Deviants |
|
"Hoo": It's Like A Verbal Grunt Of Mild Awe |
|
Indigo Still Gets No Love In There |
|
Don't Ask Who The Umpires Are; This Metaphor Is Bound To Fall Apart If You Do |
|
Bonus Points Awarded For Wrestling While Coated In Honey (Non-Sexually, Mind You) |
|
Q.E.D. = Quite Eloquent, Dungmuncher |
|
Humans In Animal Poses: Hairball Free! |
|
Bloo-Bloo-Bloo-Bloop! |
|
My High School Yearbook Life Goal: "To See The Red Sox Win The World Series In My Lifetime." I Need A New Life Goal. |
|
Windmill Dragon: Also A Good Drug Name |
|
Also Applies To Spouses. Sorry, theSwede. |
|
Facial Expression Dancing Also Important |
|
You Have To Get To The End, You Can Always Backtrack Out Of Any Dead Ends |
|
Get Out Of My Petunias, Dang It! |
|
My Shark Teeth Impression: Basically My Salmon Teeth Impression, To Be Honest |
|
Shut Up, 'Cause I Don't Want To Hear It |
|
You Can Hop On Just One Leg,
You Can Bring Along A Keg
|
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If This Comic Offended You, I Look Forward To The Debate You End Up Having With Your Grandchild So Many Years From Now |
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This Can't Possibly Go Wrong |
|
Hopefully Only A Few Missteps On The Way |
|
No, No, Barkeep, That Was My Friend's Tab |
|
The Sword Is The Worst Tool? Discuss |
|
STW Now Presented By Dirk Simons! |
|
GET IT OFF, OH WAIT NOW THERE'S BLOOD, IT REALLY IS A TICK, OH GOD |
|
Here, We Run On Strawberry Rhubarb Time! |
|
Bet This Ticks Off "The Fish" |
|
Admit It, When You Set It Off And Think 'Awesome', You're Not Thinking 'I Am Such A Patriot By Doing This' |
|
If You Are Just Learning English, Do Not Use An Actual Steamroller When Flattering |
|
Tsung = A Mutant Who Fired Mind Bullets. I Worry My Power Will Activate When I'm Beating Myself Up Over A Memory Someday |
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Just Trying To See What A Finger Smells Like |
|
Tuxedos Don't Come In That Size Anyway |
|
Consider A St. Bernard In The Alps . . . |
|
Get With The Program, By Which I Mean My Approach To The Argument, Already |
|
Also, Are You Contractually Obligated To Sing And Cheer At Meals? Unlikely |
|
My WHIP Is Pretty Great, Too |
|
If This Looks Like It Was Put Together After 1 AM, Well, There's A Reason For That . . . |
|
The Opposite Of War Isn't Peace, After All |
|
Now, Someone Bring Me My Teeth |
|
Perhaps Went A Bit Too Subtle There |
|
Some Days This Feels More Inevitable Than Others |
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The 'Plus' Doesn't Clue You In You're Trying To Be Programmed? Wake Up, Sheeple |
|
Butt Sniffing, Well, Depends On Your Fetish |
|
Being John Malkovich: Probably The Last Original Bodyswapping Tale For A Long Time |
|
If I Can Get A New Liver That Allows Me To Drink More With No Hangover, I Am All For The Cyborgian Implant Revolution |
|
If My Grandchildren Join The Alliance I Will Be So Disappointed In Them |
|
Red Card? Well, Seems Appropriate |
|
This One Really Isn't Going To Convince The People Who Doubt That I'm Not On Drugs |
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It Plateaus For A Reason, I Hope It Worms Its Way Into Your Head |
|
Resistance Is Feudal |
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(I don't think this comic would work as well with any other artistic medium.) |
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If Only We Can Figure Out The Ooze's Secret |
|
Oh, You've Already Been Doing This For Years? Well, Aren't You Special {.} |
|
If You First Thought It Was About Urine-Based Victorian Culture, Get Help |
|
Hey, Godzilla Started As A Lizard About The Same Size . . . |
|
And If You're Not Excited By It, Why Not? |
|
Learn What, I Guess . . . |
|
Superhero Codename: The Calimari |
|
It's As Far As Our Dog Runs Allow Us To Go |
|
What's Happened To You If Coffee Leaves You Weak At The Knees? You've Been
De-calf-inated! |
|
Can't Beat The Fingerpointing |
|
Worse Back Tweak: Brushing Your Teeth, Or Reaching Into The Mailbox? Both Have Happened, Both Are Stupid And Bizarre |
|
Give Our Method A Try, It Might Work And Then You Can Go Chase Squirrels Together |
|
Hurr Hurr Hurr |
|
I Like To Imagine Both The Moons Were Sentient, They Got Into An Argument, And One Said, "Oh Yeah? I'll Show You!" |
|
Or: Dessert Pranks That Taste Delicious |
|
Or Even A New Type Of Graffiti Paint! Man, Chemists, You Blew It This Time |
|
"Oh, So Close! Only One Street Away." |
|
I Could Take On Three Chickens, Even If They Were Armed With Knives, Possibly With Guns. I'd Do My Part. Could You? |
|
Perhaps They're Just Embarrassed By The Size Of Their Stingers |
|
It's Cool To Stay In School;
Don't Become An Ass, Stay In Class |
|
It's All That Catnip Shampoo Everyone Uses |
|
If You Misread It, You'll Think It Is A Fear Of Jose And Ozzie's Lesser Known Sibling |
|
Chemical Engineering: The Degree For People Who Don't Know What They're Getting Into Until It's Way Too Late |
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"And Is That Board Tied Down? Huh? Huh?" |
|
98 Percent Of Lawyers, Too |
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Adding An F-Bomb Adjective To Poopbutt Is Strangely Effective And Hurtful |
|
The Classic Monkey Wrench For The Circle: "When Did You Choose To Be Straight?" |
|
To Be Fair, His Body WAS A Wonderland |
|
"Ivory" Tower, There You Go Again! |
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Hey, You Don't Need To Get Angry About It! No Need To Be Sternum. |
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Oh Great Wise And All Knowing Flower, May Your Random Growth Of Beauty Doth Bequeath Upon Me Romance Not Friends |
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"Scientist Kung-Fu Blue Rhapsody: IV" |
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If Only Evolution Was More Apprehensi(b)le |
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Tik-Tik-Tik-Tik-Tik-Tik-Tik-Tik-DING |
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Ah-ah-ah, No Takebacks |
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Human Lions, We Call Ourselves, Or Would If We Knew Each Other Existed |
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See, 'Cause They Eat Brains. Get It? No? Perhaps You Have Zombies In Your Closet? |
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"Helloooooooooooooooooooooo." |
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Same Bulgarian Who Had Phone Sex While I Was In The Room Because I Didn't Speak Bulgarian |
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You Should Try It Sometime |
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I Would Love To Meet A Crazy Owl Lady |
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Trouble, In Fiction Cases, Is Off The Chart |
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I Apologize To Every Relative For That Pose |
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This Would Work For A Group Of Human-Weasel Hybrids, Though: "Welcome To The Confusion!" |
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You Can't Stop Entropy, You Can Only Hope To . . . Wait Slowly As It Inevitably Comes |
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Occam's Razor |
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Oh, What Stereotypes Have Taught Us All To Believe And Remember |
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Based On The Wedding I Went To This Weekend; It Was In A Mansion - Kind Of Enough Said |
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I Was Scratched Multiple Times In The Making Of This Comic |
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What A Word. Words Like That Should Get Used More Often But For Better Things |
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I Will Volunteer Myself As A Test Subject For Male Promiscuity, Because That's Clearly The Next Test To Be Done, Right? |
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Does Not Work In Reverse, Though |
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HOW DARE YOU SAY OTHERWISE |
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If You Disagree . . . Well, Shut Up. |
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OK, Maybe They Landed Once Or Twice But Come On, Not Really |
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Perhaps The Sandman Began Using That Rainbow Decorative Sand |
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I Think The Stress Has Completely Burned Off Any Calories From The Beer I Had |
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October Sophists' Day? Sages' Is Probably Better |
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The Wide Open Mouth Is Key |
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CHUTZPAH - Top Hundred Most Fun Words To Say? |
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They Would Have Gotten Away With It Too If It Wasn't For You Meddling Kit . . tens |
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Not The Card Game, You Asses |
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Odds That Someone Sees The Comic And Misinterprets It As Anti-Gay? I Put It A Lot Higher Than You Might Think |
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You Know Now Would Be The Best Time To Call And Say How I Love Her/Him Burp |
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I Kept A Bottle By My Desk. When That Chromatograph Sample Started Running, It Would Be Loaded, And So Would I. |
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As Opposed To Caribbean Jerk Friends, Who Are Friends You Have Been Marinating |
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Believing Where You Sit Affects Your Team Is Roughly Equivalent To Being Super Clingy |
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Me And An Army Of Cats Hiding Inside A Giant Wooden Sculpture, What Could Possibly Go Wrong With That Plan |
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Oh No, I Saw A Picture Of A Dog, Guess I Can't Finish This Calculation Today |
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Allegory Of A Hyperbole Of A Sham |
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Might Work The Opposite Direction? Making Everything Figurative? I Would Rather Not Think About The Possibility, Though |
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Those Were Mazes. Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter |
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I Apologize For My Rip-Roaring Snores, I Know You Can Hear Them Wherever On This Planet You Live |
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Hello From Minneapolis, By The Way |
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"Dads" Means Dads Everywhere, Not Necessarily Multiple Dads, This Is Not NOM-Baiting, C'mon |
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I Guess, Or Something |
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If Wishes Were Platypi, Now THAT Would Be Awesome |
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And Now A Squirrel On Waterskis |
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Dog-rate, Dog Kwan Do |
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Green Boards - The Red Headed Stepchild When Compared to Black Chalkboards |
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Or Whatever Religious Alternative To Hell You Choose To Believe In, Be It Hell Or Hel Or The Bronx |
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. . . Wait, You're WHAT? |
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Dress Appropriately. Meaning Like How You Expect To Be Dressed At The Time You Get Bitten. What, You Were Thinking Scarves? |
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My Contribution To This Meeting Of The Midnight Society |
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Sorry, Your Exorcism Has Been Delayed Under The Request Of Those Who Know You |
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You Should Have Seen My Freudian Slip Costume From A Few Years Back |
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Since When Do Ghosts Leak Red From The Inside Out? Perhaps This Was A Mistake |
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Probably A Poor Career Decision, Too |
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Oh No, Maybe You Had To Looks Something Up To Fully Get All The Jokes, What Are You To Do But Have To Learn Something |
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I Wore Bright Orange Shorts Underneath The Pants In Case I Ever Got The Chance To Play |
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How Much You Want To Bet Your Computer Bosses Will Wear Ugly Soup-Stained Ties? |
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Your Beligerence Is Not A Handicap |
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When You're Trying To Fly And Failing It Kind Of Looks Like You're Constipated |
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"I May Have Broken Your Child, But Look, It's An Ashtray" |
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Sometimes Knowing The Fall Is Coming Makes The Peak Far More Enjoyable |
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Man, Isn't It Funny How This Happy Moment Reminds You That You Were A Miserable Failure That One Time? Hah! Good Times. |
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A Jamaican Twist On Moose Milk In My Hand, For All Those Wondering |
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INITIAL ROMANCE, People, Initial. Sheesh |
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In Retrospect, The English Degree Was Not The Best Preparation Towards Getting The Superhero Job To Pay Off The Student Loans |
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MURDER DOES NOT COMPUTE OH WAIT NOW IT DOES |
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Internet Particles Are Like Tokens, Trade Them In For A Ride When You're Ready |
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Holy Cow, I Can See The Face Of Jesus/Some Other Religious Being/Entropy In Your Mouth Foam! |
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"How To Juice (Box) Up" |
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"TOO MUCH CLASS FOR ONE PINKIE TO HANDLE" Is Fun To Shout In A Bar, Or So I Would Believe, I Think |
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Reference Reference Reference HAHAHAHA Blearrrrrrrrgh |
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Whatever The Best Number Is, That Should Be Prometheus, Because |
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Less Cathartic When Bleeped |
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Domesticated Armadillo . . . |
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Even Worse When You're Driving |
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But Damn, What Glorious Skin, I Know |
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Is Your Tail Wagging Or Are You Just Happy To See Me? |
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Whoo, A Little Dizzy |
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And More Than One Turkey . . . |
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Raptors Are Too Small, The Earth Needs Something Bigger, And Ideally Less Talkable Than Ryan North's Version |
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You Could Maybe Make A Visual Morse Code Matrix, But Come On, That Gives Away Your Location To The Enemy |
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Well, I'm A Male, So Already Starting At Minus-10 . . . |
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You Really Have Your Grandmother's Eyes. And So Do I. |
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The Worst Part Is Having To Clean The Bear's Litter Box. Where Did You Think They Pooped, In The Woods? |
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Unless You Excrete Anti-Bacterial Soap, But Come On, How Likely Is That? |
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Skilled Puppeteers Can Both Hold A Knife And Make A Puppet Blink At The Same Time |
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Be Careful Not To Spill |
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No, No, See The Noir Works Better When You're Just Saying It Inside My Head . . . YES, I'M SURE |
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It Was All The Work Of One Mr. Billion |
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Nature's Tiny Boobytraps - Placed And Set By You, Stupidly Enough |
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If You End Up Looking Up Stuff About Hentai, I Sincerely Apologize |
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I Don't Even Want To Think What My Rating Score Would Be |
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Makes You Feel Your Arteries Closing, Ever So Delightfully |
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And Godspeed |
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Face Squinching Not Required |
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"How Would You Like Your Eggs Done?" |
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The Fact That I Am Disturbed By The Thought Of A Dog Organ Is Probably Further Proof You Didn't Need |
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Although We Did Use Their Species Name To Describe Hot Women, That Should Equal Out For What We've Done To Them |
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Did You Fall For The Bait-And-Switch? You Should Have Expected It, Shame On You |
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"Global Thermonuclear Egyptian Rat Slap" Is A Heck Of A Mouthful, Though |
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HUGS FOR EVERYONE, HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS |
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"Actually, Your Favorite Move . . . Yeah, We Call That One 'Communion', So . . ." |
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"WE KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS." |
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Did Scrooge Save Christmas Or Did The Ghosts? I Just Want To Make Sure This List Is Correct |
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Please |
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THOSE Are The Albums You Chose? Your Computing Algorithm Sucks. I Bet It's Still FORTRAN, Isn't It? Burrrrrrrrrnnnn. |
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Fa La La La La La La Shut Up |
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Your Founding Fathers Did Not Write The Constitution With Rogue Christmas Light Decorators In Mind, Damnit |
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Granted, TWO TABLESPOONS Is A Lot Of Nutmeg. Yikes. |
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Easy Obvious Tie-In With The Mayan 2012 Theory, Perhaps? Perhaps Too Easy? |
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Why? |
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Would Have Worked Dyspeptic In, But Not Enough People Would Have Understood What That Meant |
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Actually, With How Insane And Ridiculous Some Of Today's History Seems To Be, It Might Seem More Realistic As Fiction Than Facts To Future Generations |
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Granted, The Ankylsaurus I Did Get Is About As Close To A Stegosaurus As You Can Get Without Getting A Stegosaurus |
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Guess I Don't Know My Own Strength. No, Really! Seriously! Feel These Muscles! Even My Thumb Has Biceps! A Gun Show! |
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"Auld Lang Syne" Is Greek For "Keep Your Poop Out Of My Punch Bowl" |
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That Mallet Should Be In Every Comic |
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The First Party Is At My Place? |
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Doesn't Matter If They're Well-Disciplined Or Not; Once They're One Friend Circle Removed, The Kids Suck. |
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Didn't Say You'd Win, Per Se |
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That Story Is 100% True, As Hard As It Is To Believe |
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Moneypenny Was A Pharisee |
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These Tea Leaves Have Been Possessed By The Ghost Of A Root! |
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Safety Driving Distance Is Not Some Weird Driving Version Of "Name That Tune" |
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Always With The Pooping, What Is It With You And Pooping |
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Do They Make Me Look Ravishing? |
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Punches May Be Transferred To Other Passengers If The Deliverer So Desires |
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You Probably Drink 50 Proof. You Pansies. |
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It's A Bird, It's A Plain Ol' Regular Guy |
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Roll 'Em, Roll 'Em, Roll 'Em Beef-ALOOOO |
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Most People Probably Believe There Is No Difference Between 'Essay' And 'Rant' Once It Is On The Internet, Either |
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Oh, Cannonball Shepherd, Can't Wait To Meet You, But Stop Doing What You're Doing To Your Mother Or I'll Send You To Your Room |
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Like A Dante Naming His Kid 'Chaucer'
|
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Wasn't Easy Getting Those Flashlights Positioned Correctly So It Wasn't Sexual |
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Passivity - Some Effect On Its Own, Subtracts From All The Others |
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"I Did Not See That Coming." |
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How Could An Organ That Ends In An X Have Such A Lack Of Responsibilities? What A Let-Down |
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Perhaps The Child Will Have Superpowers? No, No, That's Getting Ahead Of Ourselves. Still, Time To Pick Out A Codename, Too |
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I Would Want To Be A Caucus, For The Record |
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Geneticists, Any Day Now On Those Punching Goats, Please. |
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"All The Cereal Box Humor In The World You Could Go For, And That's What You Chose?" Apparently I Need To Raid My Cereal Cabinet To Do These More Often |
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"Wombcatraz"? |
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They Claim To Patrick Swayze's Ghost, But You're Not Whoopi Goldberg, And They're Lying Anyway, Unfortunately |
|
Never Underestimate The Zombie Voting Block, They Represent A Sizeable Portion Of Constituents |
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Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss |
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Do You Think Cilian Murphy Would Play Me? I Would Totally Be OK With That |
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We Must Lower The Devouring Baby Tax, That's The Only Way To A Better Future |
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"Whoa, This Memory Must Be Particularly Painful - Oops, Now It's Gone And You've Got Other Pain To Worry About, My Fault" |
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Girl Scout Cookies And Boy Scout Popcorn Do Not Count As Coming From Solicitors |
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"I'm Not Even Born Yet, And You Guys Are So Totally Lame" |
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The High-Five In Primitive Form |
